Hey man, should I ask her out?
When I was in high school and college, the easiest (read: least ballsy) way to ask a girl out was instant message. If you wanted to get to know a girl without risking rejection, you somehow got her screen name then flirted relentlessly through a cryptic instant message.
It’s no secret that texting is the new norm. The amount of effort and the gall it takes to stand face-to-face and ask a girl out is slowly fading.
Young men no longer have the nervous coming-of-age experience when they stare into a girl’s eyes, heart-pounding with fear of rejection, and ask her out for the first time. A recent study reported that 67% of high school students hide behind a screen and shoot a text to ask a girl to prom.
But it’s not just high school students. As USA Today recently reported, approximately 38% of 21-26 year-olds and 36% of 27-34 year-olds that schedule dates over text.
I was recently ragging on a friend of mine the other day about texting a girl to “hang out,” reminding him that real men don’t text (especially for dates). We discussed why it’s not a good idea to text for a date and he admitted: “It doesn’t require much to ask a girl out since texting takes all the fear of rejection away.”
So what? It’s just modern communication, right?
Your dating strategy is your decision, but may I suggest that there is a better way to find a woman worth committing to? If you’re wanting more from your dating life and have desire to grow in character, integrity, and respect—I’m here to help. It’s time to figure out how to ask a woman out like a man.
Before we begin, I feel we need to clear something up: a group hangout is not a date. I repeat, a group hangout is not a date. It is a great way to get to know her, but it sure as heck is not a date.
Should I Ask Her Out? Yes! And here’s how to do it:
1. Start by getting her number (i.e. don’t ask her friends). Don’t text her, tweet her, Facebook her, email her, comment on her blog, or chat her.
2. Figure out where you’d like to take her, on what day, and what time before you ask. It’s your job to have a plan if you’re doing the asking.
3. Call her at least four days in advance of when you’d like to see her at an hour that doesn’t come across as a booty call (read: 11pm).
4. Take her to a public place for your first date. Don’t take her on a long drive into the middle of nowhere for a picnic. Weird.
5. Pick a place that is unique and provides a good atmosphere for listening to her and not staring at her breasts or thinking about her naked. Yes, you heard correctly: listen.
6. Make her feel comfortable. Topics that are off limits: what turns you on, politics, racial comments, kids, marriage plans, your fraternity if you’ve been out of college for more than three months.
7. Ask her questions. Ask her about herself, what she’s interested in, what she loves (or doesn’t) about her job. Keep the conversation light-hearted.
8. Do not, under any circumstances, divulge the following:
- a. Your childhood secrets.
- b. Your family drama.
- c. Your history with foot fungus.
- d. Your psycho ex-girlfriend.
- e. How much you hate your boss (don’t be a complainer).
- f. Your 3am donut-eating habits.
- g. Your sexual history.
- h. Your daily phone call with your mom.
- i. Your video game domination.
9. Make her laugh. I cannot tell you how important this is. Make fun of yourself, tell a joke, share a funny story—anything to get her to laugh. Gentlemen: if you do nothing else, make her laugh.
10. Pull out your wallet and pay the bill. You asked her out, didn’t you? Be a gentleman.
11. Call her within three days and ask her out again. Repeat steps above.
Remember you are not asking her to marry you, its just coffee, or a drink, or dinner, it’s not a marriage proposal. You are not locked into a long-term contract. But the purpose of dating is to figure out what you like, enjoy time with the other person, and learn the skills necessary to develop healthy relationships with women. If you can’t muster up the courage to call her, then you aren’t ready to date.